Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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