someone get that fucking seahorse.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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