When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
