i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
