Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
