New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize