First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
