yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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