go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
