So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
