is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
