even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
