My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
