You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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