The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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