why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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