As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
