Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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