I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
