it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
