It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
