I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize