Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
