The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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