well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
