all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
