it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
