I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
