I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you win again, gameday.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize