I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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