remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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