And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
