I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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