the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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