i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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