i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
