I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
