His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize