he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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