Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
