Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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