Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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