Yo dont text me then not text me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
