Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize