Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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