3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize