Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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