Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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