why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
