sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
