note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
