Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
