What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
