I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
