DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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