he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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