I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
