addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
