I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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