it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
