I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
false alarm, still single
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
