If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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