yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
