he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just googled if crying burns calories
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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