When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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