im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I've blown a few things in my day
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
