so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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