we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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