Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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