I feel great
I just peed on a car
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize