i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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