i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
