Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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