i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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