I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
