just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
