So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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