What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
bring money and cleavage
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
