I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
