Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
