Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
