the new term for farting is butt boxing.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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