I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
