Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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