so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I enjoy the company of your penis
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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