Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
