i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
