Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
