He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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