Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize