Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
