When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
